Update

So Greg has done everything he can to get me internets. I've been trying to steal signal from the aparment office building and that works about 15% of the time. The rest of the time, I have no signal. Not having internet is one of the most frustrating things about being sick. So I'm just going to go through the apartment complex and get my own internet connection. Right now, $35 a month is worth it. It's frustrating as hell to not be able to update my journal when I'm upset. It's frustrating to not be able to blow off steam by goofing off on Facebook. It's really hard to still be as sick as I am and not be able to do anything online.

Yes, I'm still sick. I've been sick for 9 days. This is abnormal as hell. I'm NEVER sick this long. I've been to the doctor twice. Each time I was told different things. First I was told I have a virus and was given two different medications to alleivate the symptoms. The second time we were told it's a baceria and given antibiotics. Then yesterday Camee called her family physician and he said that based on the symptoms, the antibiotics may not do anything. He said that his reccomendation, without having seen us or doing tests, is to eat lots of yogurt and drink TONS of Gatorade/water/sugar with water in it.

I keep hearing different things and we're all to a point where we don't know what to believe. We don't know what's wrong with us and we're slowly going crazy not working. I even started taking acidophilus this morning to see if it will help. All I know is that when I eat, I feel nauseated. When I don't eat, I get shaky. Most of the time I'm kinda backed up, but sometimes, I have "the runs". I used to have horrible stomach cramps. Now I have subtle cramping. Now I feel light headed and dizzy all the time. Apparently the antibiotics can make you dizzy. Lucky me!

I just want to get better. Camee's family physician said that a "last resort" could be an IV Treatment where they hook you up to an IV for two hours and literally pump you full of vitamins and things. Matt had one a couple years ago when he couldn't kick a bout of mono and he did a complete 180 in 36 hours. At this point, dropping $200 on that sounds like a great idea. But I'm willing to wait it out and take the full cycle of antibiotics first. There are a handfull of us that are still sick and we're doing what we can to figure this out.

However, as frustrating as this is, I still feel a great deal of hope. I'm home sick with a really great group of guys. When I'm feeling depressed and negative and frustrated about still being sick, I tell them and we all pick each other up so we can keep going. I'm really starting to feel like being sick is a good thing for me in that I'm learning to keep going with my positive outlook and attitude despite feeling so sick every day. I'm maintaining, (even though it's a struggle), my positive outlook for the summer despite not selling for a week. I'm not going to say it's easy. It's so, so, so hard to feel so crappy day in and day out. Being positive when I feel this way is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I fail at it quite frequently. But I have others around me to pick me up, dust me off, and help me keep going. I really, sincerely believe that once I can kick whatever the hell this is, I'm going to get out there and be light years ahead of where I was. I will be successful. I refuse to not be. It's just harder when your head is spinning all the time and your stomach complains when you eat.

Speaking of eating, I'm starving. The doctor on Monday told us to eat a bland diet. I've done my best to do that. I make the occasional mistake, but so far, I've done a good job. The tough part about it is that it doesn't matter what you eat. You still feel like garbage. But you get to feel like garbage after eating boring, tasteless food. So then I'll get mad and eat something I'm not supposed to because I'm starving. Then I feel even worse because I feel like hot garbage in the sun afterwards. In a way, it feels kinda like starving. I'm hungry. I can eat. I don't vomit at all. But it doesn't matter what I eat because I feel like crap afterwards. It's almost like starving. I don't want to eat the bland foods because I'm sick of them. But I have to eat because I need energy to feel better. I need energy to live. I don't eat, I get the shakes. But then I eat because I have to and then I feel like garbage. I'm tired of bland foods. It doesn't matter what I eat, I still feel like crap.

I just hope that we can get this figured out soon. I'm tired of feeling like hot garbage. I miss working. I want so hard to make my goals. I want so much to be able to throw up big numbers and get a really good check at the end of the week. I just hope that it's soon. This might be the trial of my faith. I just hope the light at the end of the tunnel is soon.

D-U-N done!

I've been sick since last Thursday. I haven't been to work since then. I got a blessing on Saturday morning and I was told that I would feel better soon. Like a couple of days. I'm still just as sick today. I've been taking the medication faithfully but all it's done is take the edge off of the pain. I still feel like ass. Just not curled up on the floor ready to die ass. Just ass. Just not double ass on a shingle. Matt, Matt, and I are going back to another doctor to get a second opinion. The meds they gave us aren't helping at all. Matt Hewitt and I are totally resolute that we aren't paying for the visit. I just hope this goes away soon. I'm getting more and more discouraged by the day. It's getting harder and harder to believe that I'm going to get better. It's getting harder and harder to believe that I'm going to succeed. I'm trying like hell to be positive and believe in myself. But believing in myself has always been hard. It's one of my biggest obstacles in life.

Being sick is killing my confidence and belief that I can do well. I want so much to do well and hit my goal of 125 sales. Especially since I got sick the day that I started to feel myself really understand what I'm doing and how I can really do well at this. I keep thinking there is a reason for it, But the longer that I sit around all day in pain, the harder it gets to keep believing it.

I need to find a way to believe in myself again. I just wish I knew where to get it.

So I said that I would be returning to work today no matter what. That was a lie. I still feel pretty crappy today. There was a point late in the afternoon where I was starting to feel better and the thought crossed my mind that chances were good that I could work tomorrow or Thursday. But now I feel really nasty again. I'm faithfully taking the medication the doctor prescribed for this stomach virus and it helps a little bit, but not much. Really, all it seems to do is take the edge off the pain. It's still there. You still know you feel like warmed over death. You just aren't doubled over in pain.

However, I've stopped being angry that I'm sick. I've surrendered to the bacteria in my stomach and I'm patiently waiting for the meds and my antibodies to kill it. I just need the rest of the summer to be medically uneventful so I can sell my guts out. The one thing that keeps me going is that I believe there is a reason I'm sick. I'm never sick like this. Ever. There has to be some reason why I've been so sick like this. I'm just going to be patient and trust that things will work out in the end. Really, that's all I can do at this point. Well, that and stick to the "Bland Foods Diet" the doctor gave me.

I finally got internets in my actual, factual apartment this evening. It's been a long and lonely couple of weeks without internets. I think it made my horrible bout with homesickness this past week much worse. It also made the days I was home sick this past week super boring and super long. However I am returning to work tomorrow, stomach cramps from hell or no! It's a holiday and I intend to make up for the 3 days I missed last week, including Saturday. It was our biggest day of the year so far. We kicked the Wichita office square in the balls. TAKE THAT, WICHITA!!

When I have actual time, I will provide an actual update. But I must sleep first. I have a long day ahead of me.

My temporary apartment

So my sister is having a huge-ass girly sleepover with all of her bridesmaids. Well, most of her bridesmaids. They are currently in a giant cuddle puddle in our living room. I get to sleep in my own bed thankyouverymuch. As much as I'm about the snuggles and cuddles, I'm selective in who I snuggle with. Sorry.

So... my apartment.... Matt called me this morning to ask about my apartment keys. I have them with my in Utah and Dalynn arrived today. So he's going to put her somewhere for a couple days until I get back and we can both get situated. In the mean time I'll post some pics of my current apartment. Then we I get all situated in my new one, I can post pics of that too. Or something.

It's not that I'm a slob or anything, but most of this disorganization is due to taking these pics while doing laundry and packing Friday night before I left. Also, Matt told me when we arrived that I shouldn't get too moved in since I'd be moving out soon anyway. So I'm still living out of boxes and bags and things. If I could actually move in, then things wouldn't be so messy.

Here are the blueprints so you can see how I'm laid out:



I currently have my computer and PS3 on my dining room table. I also moved some of the furniture around so I could play games and be comfortable.



My kitchen. I don't even have half of the magnets I own on the fridge yet. Most of the mess on the counter is paperwork from... well, work.



My freezer so y'all can see that I'm not starving. By the way, Blue Bell Ice Cream is the shit. Seriously. Also, notice the Cliff Bars and the frozen bottles of water. That's so I have a Scooby Snack while I'm out knocking. I don't want to be dying on the streets of El Paso. We can't have that. Also, Cliff Bars are the shit too.

Additionally, notice the Lean Cuisine. Bitch is eating healthy right now, kthxbai.



My fridge. It looks like I don't eat, but I purposely didn't go shopping before I left so things wouldn't go bad while I was gone. I also drink a lot of Gatorade now. Also, please notice the red and white tube on the second shelf. That would be my $60 cream. Also, you can't see the fresh Broccolli and Cauliflower in my crisper, the label on the Wheat bread, or the light Italian dressing in my door. The blue bottle in my door is the Evil Aloe that I'm allergic to. The green one is the good one.



My living room. I'd been sleeping on the couch for 4 days for numerous reasons. 1- I can make it darker in there by hanging up a blanket. 2- My bed is rock hard. It's the reason why I need a new mattress pad that is ubar soft and awesome. 3- I was washing my sheets because I hadn't figured out where my hives were from yet. Also, this picture would be better, but my living room light is burned out. I have A LOT of light bulbs that have burned out. So if the pictures are shit, that's why. Sorry.



I love being able to do laundry in my own place.



My bathroom:



Shower and the walk-in closet:



I've never had a working lightbulb in here, so the picture is ass. Also, I don't own enough clothes to fill this closet. It makes me want to go shopping.



Then, my bedroom. I'm totally doing laundry. Sorry.



Also, the evil, East-facing window from hell. I've added a normal size box of Kleenex to provide an idea of the scale.



Eff you window. EFF YOU!!! The blinds only serve to keep the Horny-Damn-Rapist from looking in my window. They do nothing to block out any light.

Now, I don't know for sure, but I'm assuming that these blueprints will be the layout of my new apartment:



I'll try to post tomorrow, but since it's the day before the wedding, I can't promise anything. I'd like to update. Being able to vent and get all the thoughts out of my head and into this journal has been very cathartic these past few days.

"I didn't know you'd moved to Texas!"

Right now, Rowdy and I are snuggled up to the kitchen table and we're using my future brother-in-law's laptop to look around online and update the blog. While I'm glad that I've left Rowdy in Utah for the summer, I can tell that the separation has been hard on him. He's been more emotionally unstable than normal, which I'm not sure how to handle. I assume that all I can do is spend as much time with him as possible, really. I know he'll be fine while I'm back in Texas. He just needs to believe it as well. However, it will be really good to come home at the end of the summer with a huge chunk of change and snuggle with him as much as possible.

It's a tad strange being back in Utah. I'm happy to see my family and dog again. It's nice to have a break from the emotional and physical toll that toll that come with selling in Texas. But I do find myself missing everyone there. But I've made up my mind to enjoy myself while I'm here so I can go back to Texas with no regrets. Besides, then I can focus on working and not having regrets about not enjoying my time in Utah.

But I will say that it is nice to feel liberated from Utah. While I do love the state, there are many things I hate about Utah that are nice to be away from for awhile. I also like the awesome farmer's tan that I get to work on everyday knocking doors.

I'm also excited to see Starla get married and make Tyson and official part of the family. He already has been for a few months, but now it'll be legal. He's awesome. I can only hope that the rest of my future in-laws are as cool as he is.

I need to run to the bank tomorrow. I also need to buy a new pair of shoes. I've had the same pair of sneakers for a couple years now and while they aren't destroyed, I will need a new pair soon. So I might as well get it now and start breaking them in so I can wear them knocking every day.

I hope to take lots and lots of pictures this week and post some pictures in this blog for all to see. Starla's wedding dress is amazing and she has given me hope that not all wedding dresses are ugly and stupid. When you've seen as many cookie-cutter wedding dresses as I have, (and none of them are anywhere close to your taste), it's easy to make a blanket assumption that all wedding dresses are horrible. In addition, all wedding dresses in Utah County are ugly and the same. I'm hoping that the trend of ugly dresses goes away at some point. However, if I ever do get married I know that I won't have an ugly, cookie-cutter dress. Starla already has my wedding planned out for me.

I think that tomorrow I will post about my adventures at the airport and why I'm a huge idiot.

"They were sad about rolling out without you."

If you want to see the sunburn, here it is. Keep in mind that this is picture was taken last night and the burn was looking much better than it had been. It'd had 4 or 5 days to hurt like hell and scab over. Also, the lighting makes it a little less red. Welcome to my right shoulder and neck, by the way. The hives are just north of the burn. Also, I'd still been applying sunscreen every day before going to work and aloe as well. Both hurt so much that every time I applied them to the burn, I was almost in tears from the pain.

Word got out about my sunburn yesterday. Scott saw it and then word spread around the office that I had a really nasty sunburn; and that, not only was it pretty much a second degree burn, but I'd been out working 7 hours a day with it all week. Crocky and Greg saw it this morning. So while we were on the phone with my Mom getting measurements for my bridesmaid skirt, Crocky took the time to talk to my Mom about my sunburn. How it was pretty much a second degree burn and hadn't said anything to anyone and that Crocky was demanding that I go to a local insta-care to get it looked at. I mean, a sunburn is one thing, but for it to be that bad and painful; not to mention the hives that came with the wrong aloe and the fact that they really weren't going away is apparently a big deal. Crocky and my Mom are now in cahoots.

It's determined that I'm going to insta-care and at this point I'm feeling like an idiot because I didn't think my burn was such a big deal. Greg drives me there and we sit for 2 hours waiting to see the doctor. $120 dollars and 2 hours later, I have a Rx for Desoximetasone and orders to avoid the sun, heat, dark clothing, and to use the cream for the burn and the hives.

$60 dollars later, I had my Rx. $180 for a hugging sunburn. I only got paid on one of my installs this week, and after a couple deductions my check was far smaller than I had thought it would be. So my sunburn cost me more than I got in my check. But now I have serious bragging rights around the office. Here I am, the only woman thus far, and I worked my ass off all week with a second degree sunburn and no one heard me complain at all. All of the guys in the office had been complaining about being tired, (the job is physically and mentally exhausting), their feet hurting, or being hungry while they were out knocking. I basically kick ass. When I showed them all the burn before they rolled out to knock this afternoon, they were all pretty shocked at the condition of the burn. Cue jaw dropping and eye enlarging, plz.

I also had the day off of work which was odd. I'm used to being out knocking doors and trying to get a sale. I did help a little around the office and hung out with Camee and Crocky. Then I played some video games since my beta test ends Sunday and I fly back to Utah tomorrow morning bright and early. If I wasn't going back home, I'd be more bothered by the doctor's orders to stay out of the sun. But since I won't be knocking in Utah, I can stay out of the sun all I want. Although I can't say that the temptation to try and sell a couple accounts while I was in Utah hasn't crossed my mind numerous times.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I need a bit of a mental break so I can get my head back in the game again. My learning curve has been steep and I have a little way to go, but I know that soon things will really take off for me. I'll be putting up big numbers when it comes to sales and I'm rather excited for it. But the sunburn and subsequent sleep-related problems has added to the difficulties of the week. Having a break at home with Rowdy and my family will be nice.

I know that by now I should have pictures of my apartment to post. However sleep is precious and tends to be difficult to get in large doses. This is due in large part to the windows in my apartment. The one in my bedroom is massive. I haven't had a tape measure to size it up, but I've guesstimated at about 6 feet by around 5 1/2 feet. Thankfully, it has blinds. But the problem is that it faces East. So about 6:35am the sun wakes me up. I need the ability to sleep in during the mornings when I have free time. However, that is still an issue. I need curtains or something.

But apparently my potential roommate Daylnn (I dunno how to spell her name yet), is going to be here and then it will be determined if I will be rooming with her or not. I think the biggest issue is her cat. I'm allergic and I would hate to make her feel bad for bringing her baby with her to Texas. So Matt might keep us in separate apartments so I don't die. I'm struggling to sleep as it is, (same with everyone else in the office that has windows that face East), so adding a cat to the mix might be disastrous for me. However, I haven't even met Daylnn yet, and she might be super extra mega cool. I hope so. I'd like a female perspective on selling and how I can use it to my advantage.

In addition to my struggles with sleep, I obtained a very nasty sunburn last week when I forgot to apply sunscreen one day before knocking. It got worse this past Saturday when we knocked all day. It literally blistered in one area. That night I went to the local Wal-Mart and got a bottle of Aloe with Lydicane in it to help the burn heal. Then Sunday morning I seemed to develop a little case of hives on my neck. They itch and aren't very nice to look at. But the itching has subsided as time has gone by. However the supposed hives have not. I don't know what they are from. Even with all of the moving in, I have maintained much of what I had at home in Utah. Haven't changed any sort of soaps or anything. In fact, I'm washing all of my bedsheets in the hope that will help solve the problem. I'm also not applying the Aloe to my neck in any way to see if that's part of the problem.

Can a person be sensitive or allergic to a specific type of sunscreen? I have no idea where to go from here with the hives. Any sort of ideas are welcome and encouraged.
Also, I need to spoil myself a little with a nice mattress pad for my bed. At this point it's much to hard for my taste and with sleep being so important, I need to do everything I can to facilitate it. Any suggestions for a mattress pad would be welcomed and encouraged as well. Although I think that the curtains aren't an issue. Once I know if I'll be moving apartments this week, I'll be better prepared to purchase curtains.

I'm just growing weary of not sleeping as much as I want and being so damn sunburned with no relief in sight. I'm going to switch up my sleep tonight in the hopes that it will help. I also hope that washing my sheets will help as well.

"What you want?"

I haven't posted to this blog in almost 3 years, but since I've moved to El Paso, Texas for 4 months and not everyone has access to my official journal, I'll be posting here as well.

Basically I've moved to El Paso for 4 months to work with a company named APX. They are dealers for Honeywell, (the people that make your thermostat), and we're here promoting their new home security system. Basically what I'm doing is going around a neighborhood and knocking doors looking for homeowners that want to help us with a little advertising. If they will put up a sign for us in their front yard that says they have a home security system with APX, we will give them a home security system at no cost, ever. We'll also wave the installation fee for helping us out with the advertising. Then we just ask that they pay the monthly monitoring rate and that's it. No strings, no hidden fees, no big deal. The system is even wireless so we don't have to run cables or anything in their home. We customize the system for their home and usually install it the same day. It's not really sales, it's more like marketing.

Depending on the type of contract we have the homeowner agree to and the monitoring rate they agree to, depends on how much I get paid as a salesperson. I made my first sale yesterday and I'm getting quite a chunk of change for it. I'm really helping the guy out too. This way he can protect his son better than he could before. I almost got a system for an elderly woman yesterday who really needed one. I was going to help her out by cutting her a break on the monitoring rate so it would fit into her budget, but the credit problems she's had since her husband passed away were the only thing holding us back. I felt really bad too since I knew she needed the system and it would have really benefited her.

But I live in a sweet apartment and as hard as the job is, it's worth it. I'm here with an amazing group of people and they keep me pumped up and ready to get out on the doors every day. I have nowhere to go but up and I'm looking forward to doing really well this summer. However, first, I must sleep.