Update

So Greg has done everything he can to get me internets. I've been trying to steal signal from the aparment office building and that works about 15% of the time. The rest of the time, I have no signal. Not having internet is one of the most frustrating things about being sick. So I'm just going to go through the apartment complex and get my own internet connection. Right now, $35 a month is worth it. It's frustrating as hell to not be able to update my journal when I'm upset. It's frustrating to not be able to blow off steam by goofing off on Facebook. It's really hard to still be as sick as I am and not be able to do anything online.

Yes, I'm still sick. I've been sick for 9 days. This is abnormal as hell. I'm NEVER sick this long. I've been to the doctor twice. Each time I was told different things. First I was told I have a virus and was given two different medications to alleivate the symptoms. The second time we were told it's a baceria and given antibiotics. Then yesterday Camee called her family physician and he said that based on the symptoms, the antibiotics may not do anything. He said that his reccomendation, without having seen us or doing tests, is to eat lots of yogurt and drink TONS of Gatorade/water/sugar with water in it.

I keep hearing different things and we're all to a point where we don't know what to believe. We don't know what's wrong with us and we're slowly going crazy not working. I even started taking acidophilus this morning to see if it will help. All I know is that when I eat, I feel nauseated. When I don't eat, I get shaky. Most of the time I'm kinda backed up, but sometimes, I have "the runs". I used to have horrible stomach cramps. Now I have subtle cramping. Now I feel light headed and dizzy all the time. Apparently the antibiotics can make you dizzy. Lucky me!

I just want to get better. Camee's family physician said that a "last resort" could be an IV Treatment where they hook you up to an IV for two hours and literally pump you full of vitamins and things. Matt had one a couple years ago when he couldn't kick a bout of mono and he did a complete 180 in 36 hours. At this point, dropping $200 on that sounds like a great idea. But I'm willing to wait it out and take the full cycle of antibiotics first. There are a handfull of us that are still sick and we're doing what we can to figure this out.

However, as frustrating as this is, I still feel a great deal of hope. I'm home sick with a really great group of guys. When I'm feeling depressed and negative and frustrated about still being sick, I tell them and we all pick each other up so we can keep going. I'm really starting to feel like being sick is a good thing for me in that I'm learning to keep going with my positive outlook and attitude despite feeling so sick every day. I'm maintaining, (even though it's a struggle), my positive outlook for the summer despite not selling for a week. I'm not going to say it's easy. It's so, so, so hard to feel so crappy day in and day out. Being positive when I feel this way is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I fail at it quite frequently. But I have others around me to pick me up, dust me off, and help me keep going. I really, sincerely believe that once I can kick whatever the hell this is, I'm going to get out there and be light years ahead of where I was. I will be successful. I refuse to not be. It's just harder when your head is spinning all the time and your stomach complains when you eat.

Speaking of eating, I'm starving. The doctor on Monday told us to eat a bland diet. I've done my best to do that. I make the occasional mistake, but so far, I've done a good job. The tough part about it is that it doesn't matter what you eat. You still feel like garbage. But you get to feel like garbage after eating boring, tasteless food. So then I'll get mad and eat something I'm not supposed to because I'm starving. Then I feel even worse because I feel like hot garbage in the sun afterwards. In a way, it feels kinda like starving. I'm hungry. I can eat. I don't vomit at all. But it doesn't matter what I eat because I feel like crap afterwards. It's almost like starving. I don't want to eat the bland foods because I'm sick of them. But I have to eat because I need energy to feel better. I need energy to live. I don't eat, I get the shakes. But then I eat because I have to and then I feel like garbage. I'm tired of bland foods. It doesn't matter what I eat, I still feel like crap.

I just hope that we can get this figured out soon. I'm tired of feeling like hot garbage. I miss working. I want so hard to make my goals. I want so much to be able to throw up big numbers and get a really good check at the end of the week. I just hope that it's soon. This might be the trial of my faith. I just hope the light at the end of the tunnel is soon.